You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
