and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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