...so i touched it.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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