youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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