You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
he was CRYING into my vagina
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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