It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
