Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
