And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
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We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
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There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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