im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
