you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
