Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
