Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
