i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
