hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just pynch a tree in the face
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
