the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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