Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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