I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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