hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
