winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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