I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I checked into jail on foursquare
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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