I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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