Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Randomize
