im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
