I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I should be sponsored by Trojan
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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