Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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