Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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