Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
