do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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