There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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