I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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