someone get that fucking seahorse.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
