you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize