OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
