Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
