So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
