Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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