Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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