I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize