you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
