i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize