you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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