i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
