i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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