please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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