she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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