I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
