I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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