I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
