no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
