used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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