Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
