My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
