My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He passed out mid-signature
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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