i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
