Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
