shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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