im drinking this country out of the recession.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
