His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize
