How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
