He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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