How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize