That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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